Where I must begin ...

"You're late! ... Why you so late?"  I'm not sure if he is referring to my arrival at the tail end of the season or the daily registration time.  I am late on both counts.  Add it to the list of all the ways I've fallen short lately.  "Come here. Sit."  With this, my teacher welcomes me back to the shala.

I arrived in Mysore just over a week ago, my third trip in as many years.  I arrive here feeling like a broken, tangled up shadow of myself.  I had planned to be here at the end of December, but I've been wrestling with serious demons the universe has thrown in my path.  The last six months or so have been as close to a living hell as I've ever come.  Old traumas have been resurfacing in ways that have been wreaking havoc in my life and in my closest relationships.  If complex PTSD was a formal diagnosis, I'm pretty sure it would apply to me.  So here I am with yet another deeper, darker layer of samskaras to burn through.

My first year in Mysore cracked me open, quite literally.  My second year, I was filled to the brim with so much light and the deepest sense of joy I've ever felt, a joy that I took home with me and continued to cultivate over many months.  Out of that substantial joy and clarity, one of my best friendships turned into something much more.  In that friend, the universe presented me with a relationship that has brought me face to face with the depths of my love and all the beautiful gifts I have to give, along with the darkest and most terrifying parts of myself that have remained hidden in shadow.  These shadowy parts are beyond my rational thinking and cannot be reasoned with.  They behave like a wild animal engaged in a life or death struggle, complete with a fight or flight response that has a broken off switch.  I come to Mysore this year with the sole intent to face these darkest edges of myself and do the work required of me to heal and integrate them so these old traumas can no longer hijack the ship and sabotage all the beauty and wonder I have worked so hard for all my life.

My friend James Boag taught a class on the yamas on my first full day in Mysore.  And a couple of days later at the first conference I attended at the shala this season, Sharath also talked at length on the yamas and niyamas.  The yamas are moral and behavioral principles, practical references for how we ought to deploy our energy.  Patañjali refers to the yamas as the maha-vratam, the Great Vow, which must be observed at all times, in all places, by all people, regardless of circumstance.  As I measure myself against each one, I can see just how far off course I have veered.  To be more honest and more precise, I feel like I am a wretched human being.  How on earth did I get here?

Ahimsa.  I have caused tremendous harm to myself and to others whom I love most dearly... in thought, in word, in deed.  The specific kind of harms manifest more clearly in the rest of the yamas.  Satya.  I have lied.  I have abandoned my truest self and my deepest desires, and I have been untrue to my dearest friend.  I have allowed myself to be driven by the fear and darkness of old traumas and not by my genuine, authentic self.  Asteya.  I have stolen from myself the things that matter most, so recklessly sacrificing the eternal for that which dies in an hour.  And I have stolen from one I love dearly by asking for far more than he was able and willing to freely give.  Brahmacharya.  I have squandered that most potent of creative energies in careless ways. I have been unfaithful to my own heart and to the timing of life circumstances, and I am implicated in my friend's unfaithfulness to himself.  Aparigraha.  I have clung desperately to the darkest parts of myself, to fears of abandonment, to parts of myself that do not and cannot serve my deepest desires.  And I have allowed that darkness and those fears to drive my interactions with one I love.  I have grasped and held on to him as if it was life or death.  I have taken far more than my share of my dear friend's time, energy, and heart.

I don't really know how I arrived here.  I'm not sure it much matters.  Regardless of how or why, this is where I must begin.

My heart was heavy with grief before I left Austin, and now that I'm here in Mysore, the grief has been pouring out by the bucket load.  I grieve for not being strong or courageous enough to face the darkness with the grace and kindness that has been shown to me.  I grieve for all that has been lost, for succumbing to the darkness and watching in paralyzed horror as it destroyed the things I love most.  I grieve for the beautiful things not seen and not born, for all the moments full of love that I will never know, that were destroyed before they ever could begin.  I grieve for falling short, so tremendously short, and my heart breaks over and over and over again knowing how much I have hurt the people I love so dearly.  This is the place where I must begin.  It hurts like a living fucking hell.  It's suffocating and nauseating.  It's hard to breathe and I can barely eat most days.  It's dizzying and disorienting, and my whole body has been shaking like crazy during my asana practice and even during chanting and kirtan.  It is soooo not pretty, it's anything but comfortable, it is most definitely not easy.  But this is what I must face head on.  Wholeheartedly.  I must tap into a hidden reservoir of courage and strength that I do not yet know.  I must stand up, no matter how many times I fall, and put one foot in front of the other.  I must do my practice and do it with all my heart.  I must have faith in the moments of deepest fear and doubt.  And when the darkness threatens to take hold, I must keep my eyes turned firmly toward the rising sun.  All that I love depends on it.

अहिंसा परमॊ धर्मस तथाहिंसा परॊ दमः।
अहिंसा परमं दानम अहिंसा परमस तपः।
अहिंसा परमॊ यज्ञस तथाहिस्मा परं बलम।
अहिंसा परमं मित्रम अहिंसा परमं सुखम।
अहिंसा परमं सत्यम अहिंसा परमं शरुतम।।

Life, happiness, and the pursuit of liberty...

One of the interesting paradoxes of ashtanga practice is that the more regimented and disciplined I am, the freer I become.  Somehow, keeping a strict schedule around the times I eat, practice, sleep, etc, frees up a lot of energy.  Maybe it's the virgo in me, or maybe it's a promise, a gift of making the commitment.  As the legend goes, many great philosophers, artists, scientists, inventors, athletes, etc. throughout history kept very regimented schedules and thereby eliminated as many mundane choices as possible for themselves in order to free up their energy to focus on the more substantial work at hand.  Having spent many years of my life sleeping and eating at irregular times, exercising irregularly, working at odd times, I can look back and see how enslaved I was by this 'freedom' to do what I wanted whenever I wanted.  Now that I'm disciplined and consistent in how I conduct and apply my focus throughout the day and where I spend my energy and mindspace, I feel legitimately at ease and joyful and approaching something resembling freedom.  I think part of this freedom is the result of making an internal shift in my intention for the practice from being a physical exercise to a devotional one.  I also think this freedom is in the quality of experience itself, allowing for much greater depth and opening a whole wide range of possibilities within the consistency of the framework I have created for my life. 

There is a saying, "Chance favors the prepared mind."  It is through consistently applied effort that we become open to chance, or grace, or any of the infinite possibilities to touch the awesomeness of the world.  And this reminds me of the Tibetan Buddhist and Bön view of Dzogchen, where a person is capable of achieving spontaneous realization, or enlightenment.  Some may make a cursory interpretation of that and reply that they'll just keep living any way they damn well please because if enlightenment comes spontaneously, what's the point of putting forth effort.  But dig a little deeper into the Dzogchen literature, and there's a huge emphasis on ripening ourselves through consistent practice, so that spontaneous realization is even possible.  This ripening and spontaneity are both deeply rooted and grow from our consistently applied effort.

The concept of ripening really resonates with me and is something I've thought a lot about in terms of my artistic/creative process and in terms of my experiences in life in general.  John Dewey's philosophical work on aesthetic experience is particularly relevant in this context (every context, really).  While Dewey talks in terms of art, he is really painting a picture of the possibilities for human beings in every area of our lives.  He argues that art is not some thing separate from us, that we put in special places like museums or galleries, but that it can be found in every moment of our lives, in the sunset and rainstorm and even in the act of cleaning our house.  For Dewey, we are capable of engaging our world in such a way as to cultivate very rich, some would say even mystical or transcendent, experiences.  There is a continual doing and undergoing which characterizes our interaction with our environment.  The more consciously we engage that process, the more those moments build up to a consummatory moment, or an experience.  According to Dewey, an exerperience is the sign, the result, and the reward of our active and alert commerce with the world.  He goes on to explain that what artists do when they make a work of art is express this consummatory moment onto canvas or page or whatever the medium.  He uses the term express as in squeezing forth the juice of a grape in order to make wine.  Think about that in terms of our experiences.  We gather up experiences over time in a continual process of doing and undergoing until those moments reach a crescendo and are expressed - squeezed forth - by us into some new form.  There is very much an emphasis on conscious cultivation of our way of being in the world so as to ripen ourselves and our experiences.  The process of ripening naturally entails a distillation of our experiences down to the most relevant and essential parts.  While art is a convenient and clear way to talk about this process, Dewey's view, I think, is ultimately a deeply spiritual task and one that, when applied consistently, can free us from many of the burdens and sorrows of the human condition.

So what do Dzogchen and Dewey have to do with keeping a disciplined, consistent schedule?  Consistency in our daily routines allows all those ten thousand little mundane things to fall away into the background static.  We don't have to concern ourselves with making those choices anew every single day, freeing an immense amount of energy and mindspace to focus on more substantial endeavors.  This sort of cconsistency paradoxically allows for greater spontaneity, because we become more tuned into the ever-increasing subtleties and nuance of our experiences where infinitely greater possibilities present themselves.  We see this benefit in the ashtanga practice itself because as we do the same sequence of asanas every day over a period of time, we become very tuned into the subtle shifts from day to day.  As our awareness of increasing levels of nuance is heightened, our experiences become even richer and more substantial, distilled down to the most essential parts.  The continuity of our sustained efforts, over time, nurtures the sort of ripening of experience that is central to both Dzogchen and Dewey.  Every moment becomes replete with a fullness that alternately emerges and falls away, like the breath's inhale and exhale.  Our engagement with this process is able to be sustained indefinitely over time, allowing the consummation of our efforts to bear even greater fruit and varied forms of expression.  And these experiences have a quality of freedom which was previously inaccessible to us.  Like experience itself is the sign, the result, and the reward for our active engagement with the world, this freedom is the promise and the gift of our commitment.

Sunset over the canyonlands near Moab. photo by Laura Lea Nalle

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, 

the chance to draw back-- 

Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), 

there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which 

kills countless ideas and splendid plans: 

that the moment one definitely commits oneself, 

then Providence moves too. 

All sorts of things occur to help one 

that would never otherwise have occurred. 

A whole stream of events issues from the decision, 

raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents 

and meetings and material assistance, 

which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. 

Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. 

Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.  

                                         ~Goethe

Pain is my guru...

Ganesha, the creator & remover of obstacles.

"New asana, new pain."  "If yoga causes pain, yoga cures pain." "Pain is your guru."  These are just a few of the peculiarly wise, often funny, and sometimes debatable Guruji-isms ashtangis like to rattle off as it suits them.  I guess these about pain are similar to my particular favorite, "no coffee, no prana," and, well, who the hell am I to argue with that one?! 

I've been thinking a lot about pain in relation to my ashtanga practice because, well, lately I've been experiencing pain that has resurfaced from an old shoulder injury.  A few years ago, I had a complete tear in the labrum and partial tears in some of the ligaments that hold the shoulder together.  I tried to rehab it for half a year with alternative methods like herbs and acupuncture and some ass kicking medieval torture physical therapy, and then went ahead and opted for the surgery my orthopedic specialist recommended from the get go.  He said there was no way to heal a complete tear like that with the level of edema I had, the labrum would not reattach to itself.  So, after a very painful surgery, I had a long road of recovery which left me completely immobilized for 2 months, followed by more than a year of intense, brutal rehab.  It sucked.  Big time.  I got really depressed during that time of my life.  I couldn't wash my own hair, or dress myself, or pull my pants up after I peed, or drive my car (stick shift), much less continue my tai chi practice which I was really in love with and totally committed to.  I gained a bunch of weight, having gone from very active and happy in my life to completely laid up and totally depressed.  I was on lots of narcotic painkillers, which definitely didn't help my mental state even though they helped with the physical pain.  Those were some very dark days that I'd prefer not to think about.  I've come so far since then through a lot of persistent, deep, hard work on every aspect of myself.  I've put in a metric ton of sweat and tears to be the healthy, active, joyful, and contented person I am today.  There really is no substitute for sweat.

Screaming Artist, lithograph by Fritz Scholder

And so I noticed something peculiar these last few days when my shoulder started acting up.  My temper started acting up too.  I was getting frustrated and angry very easily, for no particular reason really, and I was reminded very quickly how closely physical pain and emotional pain are tied together.  Pain is an interesting thing, even when acutely physical, it can have an even greater impact emotionally and spiritually.  I don't really mind a certain degree of physical pain, I've got a pretty good tolerance to it up to a certain threshold.  But all the attendant repercussions, or perceived repercussions, of it are where the challenges really lie.  The fear, the dependence on others, the asking for help, the cutting back or total elimination of activities I love, the feelings of weakness and vulnerability, feelings of failure, of not being good or strong or mindful enough.  All that stuff is totally bogus when you really take a good long look at it, but these things like to come up and rear their ugly heads when you're down and out.  Funny, that... Just remember to enjoy a nice cathartic scream every once in a while...

So where does this leave me with my practice?  On the one hand, I don't want to unquestioningly submit to the fear that I could re-injure myself and use that as justification to let myself off the hook in moments when I can push through and get to something deeper.  Pain can be an opportunity, a key, a doorway, and by confronting it and walking through it, it can lead me to places I've never dreamed of, in really awesome, empowering ways.  Where there is fear, there is power, and confronting pain and working with it can lead to all new, previously inaccessible, feelings of wholeness and health, strength and focus.  On the other hand, I really-seriously-for-real don't want to f'in re-injure myself and compromise a happy, healthy, strong body and mind ready for the intensity of daily practice in Mysore in just six weeks!

So, I just acknowledged to myself all this emotional stuff as it was triggered by the shoulder pain, patted myself on the head, and said, "you'll be ok, this is probably just old stuff purging itself and not indicative of a new injury."  And then I decided to give myself an extra rest day on Monday, which was the day after it started hurting.  I was feeling hungry and weak in general that day too (three weeks into my fast) and with my shoulder aching, I decided not to push myself, to just simply rest, peacefully, with no affliction or conflict about my decision.  I picked my practice back up on Tuesday and managed it with just a few minor modifications... not even trying to bind marichyasana d, and taking it easy in all the chaturangas.  That night my shoulder was aching again.  It felt dislocated and had a sharp soreness in the joint and behind my shoulder blade.  I had restless sleep that night and called my chiropractor first thing on Wednesday.  She popped me all back into place, and I went ahead to the new Mysore class I mentioned in my blog last week.  I decided to just be easy on myself, to just enjoy my practice wherever it is and not to push too hard.  And you know what?  I had an awesome practice, I felt more present in each asana, deepening my relationship to my breath and movement.  My heart felt more open, and practice felt very sweet in a new way.  I simply felt an openness and gratitude and joy to be there, to be practicing.  And I didn't even modify all that much, other than doing girly chaturanga (with knees down) and skipping the shoulder stand asanas in the closing sequence.  And I feel okay.  The shoulder may take some time to come back around and join the party.  I may not be able to push as far as I want with my upper body strength just yet, and that's okay.  There is plenty of room to grow within the practice in other ways, and I am open and look forward to those opportunities. 

And so I am learning something very important.  Pain in and of itself is not a bad thing.  It is a teacher, and it is a healer.  I'm not going to ever say, "I'm in pain, no practice today," because that will not serve me.  I will listen to my body, and if I am legitimately injured, I will recognize that and take time to heal.  But there is no reason to turn away from practice altogether.  It's all about finding the intelligent edge and backing off just a bit when necessary.  Pain is an opportunity, so instead of asking myself if I should practice, I will ask, "how can this pain guide me today into a deeper understanding of myself and my practice, how may it be of service?"  And I will follow it to wherever it leads me, and I will revel in what I find there.  Pain is a guru.  It is a key.  A doorway.  Walk through...

Novantatre, from the Me + You series by Laura Lea Nalle

 

Pain is a treasure, 

for it contains mercies.
The kernel is soft 

when the rind is scraped off.
Oh brother, 

the place of darkness and cold
is the fountain of life 

in the cup of ecstasy.
So also is endurance of pain 

and sickness and disease.
For from abasement 

proceeds exultation.
The spring seasons are 

hidden in the autumns.
And the autumns 

are charged with springs.

~Rumi

Tis the season... for over-consumption?

Ahhh, the holidays.  Exactly when did christmas become an annual orgy of over-consumption?  News reports calls us 'shoppers' or 'consumers,' not citizens.  Our worth is measured by how much we consume, which is usually in inverse proportion to our actual benefit to society, not to mention the environment.  People crush each other in massive crowds trying to get some plastic mass produced something-or-other that was probably made in China and will be long forgotten or discarded by this time next year.  People go into debt and stress over buying presents for people they don't even really like because they are 'family'.  It hurts my head and heart to think of all the trash that will be created this weekend, wrapping paper, boxes, excess packaging.  What the hell is wrong with our society?

This is the second year I've decided to fast during the holidays.  I'm more than two weeks in to a green juice fast, and I'm feeling great.  It really highlights the absurdity of all the stress and anxiety going on in the society at large with all this shopping and over-consumption.  I am enjoying stillness and tranquility in the midst of the frenzy.  Whenever I have to go to the grocery store for more veggies, I see so many stressed out people, throwing processed junk into their carts.  I can see in their faces how unsatisfied they are.  And I can see it in their bodies, holding on to excess, weighed down, unempowered, weak.  It is an acute, poignant image of everything wrong with society.  And I am making an empowered choice not to participate.  Or rather, to participate in a way that is meaningful and substantial by holding space for another possibility to arise.  Fasting during the holidays is another expression of my yoga practice.  It is about turning inward to tend the inner light, to find stillness in the midst of flux and peace in the midst of anxiety, to be open without expectation, to focus the mind and body and emotions on that which has integrity and real power from within, to recognize real needs and wants, to cultivate greater clarity and simplicity and grace in my life.

There are, of course, ways to bring this possibility into view without going on a fast.  Spend time with people whose company you actually enjoy, who bring greater light and clarity into your life just simply by sharing time together.  Talk with them, tell stories, laugh, cry, sing, go for a walk, hug them, write them a poem.  If you're fortunate, that may be the family you're born into, or perhaps it is your carefully chosen family of friends and people of like mind.  The important thing is that you realize you are completely empowered to choose who you spend time with.  It is not necessary to be with people who are draining or destructive to you just because they may share your genetics.  Take care of yourself and those who truly love and support you.  Be unafraid to spend time alone, to tend to things that are important to you.  Spend time, not money, on the people you love.  Give gifts when it's least expected throughout the year, just because you want to.  Be open to receiving gifts from unexpected people and places.  Bring mindfulness to your actions and the gifts you buy for loved ones.  Support artists and local businesses with your dollars instead of big box stores and products made in China.  These are just a few of many ways to cultivate your own sense of peace and stillness and light in the midst of everything that may be at odds with it.

The most important thing for each of us to do is be mindful and intentional about where we invest our energy, to steady our minds and focus ourselves in a way that brings greater light and grace into the world.

Many blessings to each of us, and our light-bearing power...

El corazón inmaculado, el Santuario de Chimayó

You’ve no idea how hard I’ve looked

for a gift to bring You.

Nothing seemed right.

What’s the point

of bringing gold to the gold mine,

or water to the Ocean.

Everything I came up with

was like taking spices to the Orient.

It’s no good giving my heart and my soul

because you already have these.

So—I’ve brought you a mirror.

Look at yourself and remember me.

~Rumi

Happy healthy Thanksgiving

Healthy Thanksgiving feast!

This year for Thanksgiving, I hosted a small gathering of 'orphans,' or those that didn't have family to be with.  I just got back from a month long roadtrip through the southwest and was feeling ready to reconnect with my friends in Austin.  I had my dad and half a dozen good friends over for an exquisite vegetarian, gluten-free, sugar-free feast with a southwestern flair inspired by my recent travels.  More than half of it was raw vegan.  All the food was organic and most of it from local sources.  And as one of my friends is fond of saying, "No cans were harmed in the making of this dinner."  Except, I will admit, I did use a can of black beans as they were an afterthought and I didn't have time to soak dried beans.  Anyways, here's a look at our menu...

Appetizers - local goat cheese and sundried tomato pesto stuffed mushrooms, raw flax crackers with tomato basil almond pate and lemon dill hummus.


Entree - southwestern green chile quinoa and black bean stuffed sweet peppers topped with pepitas and cotija, organic mixed green salad with walnut and pear, with raw vegan creamy citrus dressing, steamed kale with creamy raw vegan chipotle hemp sauce, sweet potatoes with agave maca pecans, orange juice sweetened cranberries.




Dessert is all raw vegan and super delicious + nutritious - pumpkin cheesecake with cinnamon pecan crust, and raspberry ganache chocolate bliss superfood cake.

Raw vegan deliciousness!

Raw vegan raspberry ganache chocolate bliss cake

Me serving up my favorite part, dessert!

That chocolate cake is full of superfood nutrition!  I adapted it from Ani Phyo's recipe from her latest raw dessert book.  The cake part had walnuts, dates, and the chocolate bliss superfood mix I get from local raw food guru David Favor (radicalhealth.com) which has cacao, hemp, coconut, maca, MSM, tocotrienols, camu camu, rose hips, and lots of other nutritious goodness.  The homestyle frosting was made with dates, vanilla agave nectar, avocado, and cacao.  As you can see, it has two layers with frosting and raspberries in the middle.  Absolutely delicious + nutritious!  The pumpkin cheesecake was rockin too.  Everyone loved both, and the jury was split 50/50 as to which one was the best.  They both win!  

Everything from apps to dessert was absolutely delicious, if I do say so myself.  Everyone raved about the flavors and how fresh everything was.  I tried a bunch of new recipes, so there's always a little doubt about how everything will turn out, but in the end, everything was out of this world awesomely delicious.   The textures and colors were wonderful, the food was made with love, intention, and radiant health in mind and, best of all, enjoyed amongst friends. 

Being healthy is a revolutionary act...

"Being strong and healthy in an unhealthy culture makes you part of an empowered minority. It gives you freedoms and opportunities that poor health and fitness prohibit. It endows you with the energy, clarity and resiliency to fully enjoy your life, and to make bigger, more meaningful contributions in anything you do.  Choosing a healthy way of life involves making some revolutionary choices, and it also has revolutionary results.  Because when you change your health for the better, you change the lives of everyone around you for the better, too.  In a very real way, you change your world."

I recently stumbled on this fantastic article and this one too.  I am very taken with the idea that being healthy is a revolutionary act.  With deep roots in activism, the idea that my healthy choices are revolutionary makes them have even more gravity to me.  When all our social systems are set up in a way that actively create dis-ease and illness, then indeed being healthy is revolutionary.  I've talked a lot about how my choices often alienate me in social situations.  But I'm not sorry that I won't eat fried or processed or pesticide laden food, and if that means I turn down your invitation or bring my own food, then that's fine by me.  I'm actually happy to bring my own food and show people that healthy food is absolutely delicious!  I'm not going to compromise my health and wellness just to go to a party or dinner, and I hate to stand in witness while other people eat crappy food (and stuff that barely qualifies as food!).  These decisions often put me on the outside, but I'm perfectly comfortable there.  And after reading that article, I feel even more convicted in my choices.

I have recently noticed how many more people have been seeking me out and asking me about raw foods.  I think this is part of me being so vocal and convicted about my choices.  More people are realizing they could feel better, look better, BE better, and they are seeking out information on how to facilitate their own revolution to a healthier life.  I think I am going to start hosting regular gatherings to show people how to incorporate more raw vegan food into their lives.  It's really not difficult, in fact, is way easier than most people think.

It seems clear there is a major shift happening in the general awareness of how the food we eat affects every part of our lives.  With obesity and type 2 diabetes at an all time high, people are seeing how the food they eat can literally kill them.  It's time to make different choices and to not just settle for not being sick, but to create optimum levels of health and wellness so they THRIVE.  I know what healthy feels like, and it's full of joy and empowerment and excitement for every part of life.  This is possible, and every single person is capable of achieving this when they make the choice to be healthy.  And that choice is, indeed, revolutionary. 

Barefoot running & fitness as a virtue

The thing I love about barefoot or minimalist shoe running is the thing I am always working toward in pretty much everything I do - moving closer to the essential, removing the excess until I arrive at something fundamental.  That invites an entirely untethered sense of fullness that I think of as the sweet spot.  I've experienced it in my art, in my creative process as a whole, in my yoga practice, in running, in communication, in relationships.  It is something that can be achieved in every area of life.  This is really how I think of fitness in general and is the reason I hit the mat or the trails with dedication and enthusiasm.  I love those activities in and of themselves and because they help me stay fit and clear minded, but on days I just don't feel like doing anything at all, it's important to have a deeper motivation than just physical fitness.  I am able to stay committed over a long period of time because what I am able to do on a run or through my regular yoga practice or with vicious circuit training transcends those activities.  I break through mental and physical barriers, I achieve the seemingly impossible, I push through pain and sweat and sometimes blood.  I go far beyond my comfort zone and face my biggest fears and learn that I can trust myself in those places of uncertainty and vulnerability.  And perhaps most importantly, I learn to smile with my whole body when it sucks the most.  Being fit is not just about running long distances or twisting myself into a pretzel on my yoga mat or about lifting heavier weights or doing an obscene amount of lunges.  I believe being fit means being strong, capable, and empowered in every area of my life, in absolutely everything I set my mind to, in everything I do.

I was sold on barefoot running long before I even heard of Born to Run or the Tarahumara.  After reading Christopher McDougall's fantastic book, I was even more dedicated and enthusiastic about barefoot running.  That book in large part inspired me to start training for longer distances and to work toward my first marathon.  Granted, I don't go totally barefoot, mostly because I do a lot of trail running here in central Texas and need at least a little protection from rocks and debris.  I wear either my Vibram Bikala Five Fingers or my new favorite running shoe, the Merrell Pace Glove.  Merrell has been using Vibram soles for years, and their relatively new entry into the world of running shoes has made a slam dunk for those of us who love minimalist footwear. They look like normal shoes, so I don't get weird looks from people like I do when I wear my Five Fingers.

I'll leave you with a little video about the Tarahumara and barefoot running in general.  I highly recommend reading Born to Run and then go out and enjoy some trails.

My favorite things...

I get asked a lot by people who are just starting to incorporate more raw foods into their diet what my favorite must have things are.  Here is a list to get you started on the right track.

Vega products, specifically the Whole Food Optimizer and Performance Protein powder.  These are not technically 100% raw, but they are mostly raw and totally vegan.  They are high quality products designed by vegan Ironman triathlete Brendan Brazier and can be used as meal replacement while on the go.  I rely heavily on Vega while I'm traveling.  I take a shaker jar with me so I can make a smoothie on the go instead of compromising the way I eat.  I also highly recommend Brendan's books, Thrive Nutrition and Thrive Fitness.

I love Navitas Naturals superfood products.  I use their raw cacao, maca, and lucuma on a regular basis.  I love chocolate and eat it almost daily.  I whip up a super easy, healthy, and delicious chocolate with just a few basic ingredients.  Cacao, maca, a few drops of liquid stevia, a pinch of sea salt, and enough coconut oil to bind the powders.  When I'm feeling more extravagant, I'll add spirulina, bee pollen, and sometimes some kind of nut or cacoa nibs for the crunchy texture.  I love to sprinkle with cinnamon as well.

I also love Healthforce Nutritional products, especially Vitamineral Green.  I add it to my Vega smoothies, especially after a workout to help with recovery.   I also regularly use Radical Health's superfood mixes, Fiesta Mole and Chocolate Bliss, and also their super high quality Sunfire salt.  The family that makes those products lives right down the street from me, so I just stop by and pick up my order, but for those who aren't in Austin, you can order from their site which is also a great source of info on raw foods.

Some of my daily staples are apples, almond butter (I sprinkle with sea salt and cinnamon, and sometimes add vanilla extract), kale, avocados, tomatoes, peppers, flax crackers, green juices, and an array of other seasonally available organic fruits and veggies.  

I've found that I recover much more quickly from my rigorous workouts by eating raw foods.  With just a little creativity and resourcefulness, I don't have to compromise flavor or texture by eating raw.  In fact, everything tastes so much MORE flavorful because it's all fresh and alive.  You don't have to go 100% raw to reap the benefits.  Increase your raw food intake over time, and you'll notice you develop a taste and preference for it quite naturally.

The social impact of raw foods

I wrote this as a response on someone else's blog several years ago.  It's relevant, so thought I'd share it here.

The social aspects of going 100% raw are indeed numerous and can be unnecessarily alienating if a raw foodist is not imaginative enough. It's one of my greatest concerns as a raw foodist myself. There are ways around this, like preparing a dish and/or dessert to bring and share to family gatherings. There are lots of great, extravagant, and divinely yummy dishes to make for holidays that EVERYONE will enjoy. Most people will like it so much, they'll demand that there must be cooked food/sugar/flour/egg/dairy in the food. And if all your friends are going out to a restaurant, there are usually ways to throw something together off the menu that is suitable. It might not be the best raw food you've ever had, but it will work, and in that situation, it's more about the company than the food. Pretty much all of my friends are willing to meet at one of the local raw food places if we're having lunch together. Even non-raw people enjoy the tastes and sensations of raw and living food, and it's a great way to introduce people to the variety they can get by eating in such a way.

When you experience the amazing changes that happen with a raw food diet, it's really hard to go back, unless you remain fearful and unwilling to deal with the changes that arise and thereby keep 'medicating' yourself with cooked food. Once on the 'other side' and in vibrant health, things seem much more clear, and cooked food, even 'healthy' cooked food, seems devitalized and wholly uninteresting.

And people have been eating predominantly raw food for tens of thousands of years. This is nothing new, in fact, it's the oldest way of eating there is. The history and culture that raw foodies are squashing is a relatively new one, namely that culture born of fragmentation, disconnection, fear, greed, and rampant disease. The fabric of culture is not based on eating cooked food, it is based on the ways people come together and create the story of their life through a huge number of means like art, architecture, spirituality, mythology, etc. Yes, food is a big part of this, but cooked food specifically is in no way intrinsic or necessary to this task. Culture is much greater served when its individuals are awakened to the potential they have for vibrant and radiant health. They will create a much more mindful way of living on the earth and in relating to each other. And while a lot of raw foodies are escaping the evil of modern diet, when the modern diet leads to an untold number of diseases and ailments, fatigue, obesity, cancer, and general malaise, how is this a bad thing?? Yes, it may be alienating at times, but when in the company of disillusioned people, you must keep your own council. It is a logical fallacy to say "Things are this way, so this must be the right way." It doesn't take a very long or thorough looking around to see how imbalanced (to use a nice word) things are. For one example, a huge benefit of eating raw is the drastic reduction in the waste a household produces. I now produce about a kitchen trash can full of compost every two weeks. I probably throw a garbage bag out every two to three weeks, if that, and most of it goes in recycling. Raw food lifestyle has far reaching, positive, repercussions for the earth and for the health and well being of all its inhabitants. There's a reason so many people enthusiastically advocate for this lifestyle, because it works untold wonders on every level of your consciousness!

Try going 100% for 30 days. One month is nothing in the scheme of things. And then come back and argue that raw food is somehow undermining thousands of years of history and the very fabric of culture. Raw food, and the state of mind it produces in people who follow this lifestyle, might very well be one of the few things that can actually make and preserve history and culture in any sort of meaningful way.

Greetings!

I have been living (and thriving) on raw foods for several years now.  I've fluctuated between 80% and 100% raw, just depending on the season and circumstances of my life.  I have become passionate about inspired wellness through raw and living foods, along with my regular Ashtanga yoga practice and my new adventures in marathon training.  I thought I'd start a blog to share ideas, experiences, recipes, and adventures on my journey to radiant health and inspired fitness.

Welcome, and be sure to come back often,
Laura Lea Nalle

You can find out more about me at www.lauraleanalle.com

And if you're into live music, follow me at austinlivemusic.org