Tis the season... for over-consumption?

Ahhh, the holidays.  Exactly when did christmas become an annual orgy of over-consumption?  News reports calls us 'shoppers' or 'consumers,' not citizens.  Our worth is measured by how much we consume, which is usually in inverse proportion to our actual benefit to society, not to mention the environment.  People crush each other in massive crowds trying to get some plastic mass produced something-or-other that was probably made in China and will be long forgotten or discarded by this time next year.  People go into debt and stress over buying presents for people they don't even really like because they are 'family'.  It hurts my head and heart to think of all the trash that will be created this weekend, wrapping paper, boxes, excess packaging.  What the hell is wrong with our society?

This is the second year I've decided to fast during the holidays.  I'm more than two weeks in to a green juice fast, and I'm feeling great.  It really highlights the absurdity of all the stress and anxiety going on in the society at large with all this shopping and over-consumption.  I am enjoying stillness and tranquility in the midst of the frenzy.  Whenever I have to go to the grocery store for more veggies, I see so many stressed out people, throwing processed junk into their carts.  I can see in their faces how unsatisfied they are.  And I can see it in their bodies, holding on to excess, weighed down, unempowered, weak.  It is an acute, poignant image of everything wrong with society.  And I am making an empowered choice not to participate.  Or rather, to participate in a way that is meaningful and substantial by holding space for another possibility to arise.  Fasting during the holidays is another expression of my yoga practice.  It is about turning inward to tend the inner light, to find stillness in the midst of flux and peace in the midst of anxiety, to be open without expectation, to focus the mind and body and emotions on that which has integrity and real power from within, to recognize real needs and wants, to cultivate greater clarity and simplicity and grace in my life.

There are, of course, ways to bring this possibility into view without going on a fast.  Spend time with people whose company you actually enjoy, who bring greater light and clarity into your life just simply by sharing time together.  Talk with them, tell stories, laugh, cry, sing, go for a walk, hug them, write them a poem.  If you're fortunate, that may be the family you're born into, or perhaps it is your carefully chosen family of friends and people of like mind.  The important thing is that you realize you are completely empowered to choose who you spend time with.  It is not necessary to be with people who are draining or destructive to you just because they may share your genetics.  Take care of yourself and those who truly love and support you.  Be unafraid to spend time alone, to tend to things that are important to you.  Spend time, not money, on the people you love.  Give gifts when it's least expected throughout the year, just because you want to.  Be open to receiving gifts from unexpected people and places.  Bring mindfulness to your actions and the gifts you buy for loved ones.  Support artists and local businesses with your dollars instead of big box stores and products made in China.  These are just a few of many ways to cultivate your own sense of peace and stillness and light in the midst of everything that may be at odds with it.

The most important thing for each of us to do is be mindful and intentional about where we invest our energy, to steady our minds and focus ourselves in a way that brings greater light and grace into the world.

Many blessings to each of us, and our light-bearing power...

El corazón inmaculado, el Santuario de Chimayó

You’ve no idea how hard I’ve looked

for a gift to bring You.

Nothing seemed right.

What’s the point

of bringing gold to the gold mine,

or water to the Ocean.

Everything I came up with

was like taking spices to the Orient.

It’s no good giving my heart and my soul

because you already have these.

So—I’ve brought you a mirror.

Look at yourself and remember me.

~Rumi

When the impossible becomes possible...

"Practice, and all is coming," as Guruji was fond of saying.  And it's true.  The thing I love, well one of the many things I love, about practice is that it continually reveals new things and opens up previously closed or inaccessible territory.  It shows me the places I fear to go, the places where I feel comfortable, the places where I struggle, the places where I feel vulnerable and weak, the places where I feel strong and empowered, the places where I try to take the easy way out, the places where I hold myself accountable.  Today I went to a mysore class with a teacher I've never taken a class from.  I keep a solid, consistent practice at home every day, but I am ready to step things up and get more regular feedback from a teacher, so I've been checking out some teachers in town.  And the class was great.  Lots of little minor corrections here and there.  My balance was off more than usual, but that's ok.  I'm fasting and get dizzy and it's hard to balance, and so I am patient with myself.  And as I'm working through the seated postures, the teacher keeps an eye on me.  I get to the marichyasanas and bind just fine in all of them except marichy d.  He comes over to assist me, and with a little help, I bound marichyasana d for the first time ever.  And it felt so damn good.  And it was like a huge sigh for my spirit, having struggled with it for so long.  It is, arguably, the toughest posture in the primary series.  It is considered a gateway posture and is the peak of the primary series crescendo.  When I first started my ashtanga practice, I thought I'd never be able to get fully into that posture.  It seemed like totally off-limits territory for me.  There are a lot of postures like that, especially as you venture into intermediate and advanced series.  But after working at it every day for a while, I finally did it!  I also did chakrasana for the first time with help from the teacher.  I can't help but wonder what else I can do that I thought was totally impossible!  I like this teacher, it's like he knows what I am capable of more than I know.  I'll be going back to his mysore class twice a week.  The rest of the week, I'll keep working on my practice at home to integrate the feedback I get in class.  It's kind of amazing how much progress can be made with daily practice.  And it's remarkable how off I feel when I skip a few days.  There are no shortcuts or easy ways out.  There's no way to fake it.  It is a spectacularly awesome feeling when the once impossible becomes possible.  There is only practice, and through practice, all is coming...

Ashtanga practice lights my way...

Natarajasana on Musselman arch, Canyonlands, Moab UT

I've been rockin my Ashtanga practice hard lately.  I've flirted with the practice off and on for a long time now, with varying degrees of commitment.  But I've recently come back to a place where I feel so dedicated to it that it is the highest priority for me every day.  I'm practicing 6 days a week (I have to even convince myself to take a day off) and look forward to it with more excitement than I look forward to breakfast!  I go to bed at night thinking about the next day's practice.  I get up and have my coffee ("No coffee, no prana," as Guruji would say) and then step on the mat.

I recently listened to one of Kino MacGregor's old podcasts, and she talked about in the old days when people used oil lamps for light, they'd have to clean the soot off the glass every day to be able to see the light from the lamp.  She describes the Ashtanga practice in similar ways.  The heat we generate in the practice cleans our body (not just physical, but mental, emotional, spiritual bodies) so that our light can shine clearly, brightly.  This metaphor really resonates with me, and I've been using that visualization to guide my practice.

Yesterday's practice was tough for me.  I'm currently on a green juice fast and have, in general, been feeling absolutely terrific.  But yesterday I was tired, weak, unfocused, unbalanced, hungry, easily distracted.  And I practiced anyways.  It was a struggle, I encountered a lot of internal resistance and excuses as to why I should just skip practice.  But I didn't.  I hit the mat and did the entire primary series anyways.  And when I got to navasana, I bargained with myself that I'd just do three instead of all five.  But I did all five anyway.  No short cuts, even on off days.  And I think it's off days that are most important to step on the mat.  And it's those days you get to see what you're really made of.

The practice is a reflection of my own inner state of things.  And this is the thing I love about Ashtanga.  It's the same sequence of asanas every time.  The thing that changes is me, and so it is a great gauge and reflection of my own awareness, lack of awareness, conflict, harmony, laziness, excitement, etc.  Some days I'm resistant until I start the first sun salutation, the hardest part is stepping to the top of the mat.  Some days are a struggle all the way through, and I give myself a hundred million justifications to let myself out of my commitment.  And it's important, crucial!, that I never capitalize on those justifications.  I do the practice with everything I've got on those days, even if I don't have much.  Some days are fun, easy, energetic, just plain joyful.  The harder I work, the more joy it brings.  Most days are like that for me, actually.  It is becoming more and more rare that I have a major off day like I did yesterday, which to me indicates the practice is really working for me.  And so I am able to tune in to the subtle nuances that shift day to day, and this provides valuable insights into the practice and into myself.  And this is how it illuminates my way.